BUT, MOST COUPLES NEED A MIRACLE TO KEEP THAT LOVE ALIVE…WHY?
Because the part of our brain that plays the role of match-maker is not the new logical and orderly brain (prefrontal cortex), but our old myopic, time-locked brain, which tries to recreate the happiest and avoid the most unsatisfying moments of our childhood days.
Falling in love overshadows thought, and every organ of the body goes into emergency, it is more than a feeling, it is an instinct like hunger and thirst.
Just by holding this person's hand we feel "so at home" is like "we have known each other forever", and we are convinced that this person will fully understand us and be able to resolve all the unfinished childhood wounds and we will finally be healed of all pain.
BE AWARE!!! This hormonal rush lasts 6 months to 3 years, then the brain chemicals begin to fade.
Outside of our conscience, we each find ourselves tied down by an unsatisfied, unwritten agenda that formed early in our life, and we assign our partner to fixing it!
It's like our partner have the key to a magic kingdom from long ago, and all we must do is persuade them to open the door.
Early in our relationships almost all couples take part in a conscious subterfuge. Their goal is to appear to be less needy and more giving than they really are.
Sooner or later there is another rude awakening in our relationship, the playful dance of courtship comes to an end, and we discover that a personality trait that we previously valued in our partner begins to bother us and not only are the complementary traits, but also the negative traits, the ones we have resolutely denied during the romantic phase of our relationship, waken in us feelings and attributes that are still taboo and we are not ready to face them.
And at this moment “the power struggles begin.”
BUT…WHY HAVE YOU CHANGED?
The only thing we can focus on now is these negative points realizing that the vibrant world, full of wonders and joyful moments is again a sad and broken experience that repeats what happened to us in childhood.
Now is when the real battle begins, but not with our partner, with ourselves, we need to dig deep inside ourselves and unleash all those monsters that we have been feeding and keeping alive, it is only our partner, whom our instinct and hormones made us fall in love with, who can help us disarm and destroy them, he or she is our only salvation, if we can see this, our partner will transform from our enemy to our ally and our accountability to success.
We really know that we have managed to fall in love when we realize that in the presence of that person we have fallen in love with ourselves, being able to be our best version, feeling comfortable in our own skin, being able to express and expose our deepest feelings by becoming vulnerable, knowing that we will be listened to with true intention, attention, curiosity and interest, breaking all inhibitions of being who we really are.
****Learn more about the above, don't delay, the longer you wait the worse things become, call me if you need help. I follow Imago Relationship Therapy.****
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